The Emptiness Within Me

In doubt...thinking...memories...that's all I'm into right now while I'm putting into words all that is on my mind at this very moment. I'm back here again at the office from treating myself - a movie. What is that movie that I did watch? Well, it's no other than the so called NINJA ASSASSIN (did I spelled the word "assassin" right?). Correct me if I'm wrong okay...haha...Well, there's not much for me to do than to treat myself all alone. It's my break from work actually and there's not much to do than to stay all day at the boarding house - sleeping, eating, sitting, etc. my life is purely like a routine right now. I don't know if what I'm really up to. It's not like before...things did really changed. I really don't have any clue at all. I have no one to share what's bothering into me right now. I'm all alone. Yes, all alone. I'm far from my mom, cousins. But I still do have my brothers and sisters in Christ. Yes, my brothers and sisters. But they too are far from me to reach up to. I'm lucky though, for I got to know them but still right now there's still something missing into my life. Something really missing.

Have you ever come to the point that you feel there's something missing within you? There's what you call as an 'emptiness' within yourself. That somehow, something or maybe someone is missing in your life. Yes, someone maybe is missing in my life right now. I never felt so empty like this before. It's like you're in a room and all you can see is the four corners of the wall. Nothing more, nothing else. Is what am I into a sort of sentiments? Am I too sentimental??? Well, I guess so and I guess not at all.

I want to be happy...but I really don't know where, when, and how would I be happy. There's bounty blessings coming into my life but then still not enough for me to feel the happiness that I'm longing for. I wish there's someone whom could ease the emptiness within me. I longed for someone to care for me - someone whom would fight until the very end. Life is a matter of choice as other people can define. But did I really ever make the right choice - being the person I am right now???

I am strong. Yes, strong on the outside but weak on the inside. The reason why I am into doubt at this very moment is maybe after what happened to me last year. I was in great happiness thinking that I really did found the right person whom I can share my whole life with. My life focuses on that person alone and yes, things are on the right track. We are meant to be, I can say. We are indeed the right match. Plans are already made. The only thing needs to be done is the accomplishment of that plan. But...life is full of twist and turns. You might be happy today but tomorrow you are not. To make it short - that someone is out of my life anymore. I don't know if there would ever be a time that still we are meant to be. And now, the emptiness is getting much more worst than before. The feeling is too strong for me to resist. Some say "moved on", "that someone isn't worth it!", "he's not worth of your love", "forget it", "you can find other better than him for sure", etc. Yes, easy to say but know what it's really hard to do. How I wish it's like just a piece of cake wherein after you chew it, goes on to your stomach and then out of your body. But it isn't...isn't that easy at all.

Until when would I be on this state of mind? Until when would I feel the emptiness that you know that person is the only one whom could fill the gap to. I need to be strong...yes, for other people. But to tell you honestly, it might forever be this way. God knows what I am into. God can see into me the emptiness I'm feeling right now. I just hope that sooner or later God will answer my prayers. Somehow I just really hope that God can release me from the emptiness that I'm into.....

Moving On Again....

Moving on again...
Why do people tend to fall in love and end up crying? Aren't they lucky enough to find that special someone whom they can share their ups and downs for the rest of their lives? Could anyone tell how many percent (%) does people fall in love and get hurt in the end?..
It's hard when you thought that you've finally found someone whom you can depend on but in the end, that person isn't really worth it of your love. Loving someone for the sake of one's happiness isn't enough though, even if you ended up trying your best to make the relationship lasts long. Yes, again and again, moving on is not enough. It will took days, weeks, months and even years before we can say we totally have moved on. We can be strong in front of other people showing that we did let go of the past, but deep inside we know that it isn't the real feeling we have.
Life without that someone isn't complete. There are instances wherein you want to be all alone, lock yourself up to your room and even don't want to go out of your house. There are times wherein you don't want to mingle with others especially when you find them all happy telling you stories about their man. You can't help but cry until you feel there's no more tears to fall down. You can't help but to look pathetic and helpless. Don't want to eat nor dress up yourself. This are just the things you really end up yourself when you are hurt.
But then...
Moving on again and again is the only way you can set yourself free from pain..free from the burden inside. Just think of the happy thoughts (memories) that you've got when you're still on the first stage - not even knowing that someone yet. It isn't easy at all but then you can try. Letting go and willing to accept the fact that he's not meant for you anymore will make you feel at ease. Just believe that everything happens for a reason. This might not be the love story for you but God knows if you're ready for commitment He will surely give you the right man at the right circumstances. And you can have your love story that is far from what you've imagined.
Let God take control of you. Prayer is the thing you can do to ease the pain. Lay it all to Him for He knows what's best for you. Just go on, pursue your dreams. Who knows if both of you really meant to be - time will lead him back to you...time will lead him back to me...